Lent. The Beginning.

It's that time of year again, folks. In the past it's always been that time for me when everyone around me seems to be endlessly complaining about what they've given up and how much it bites that they don't have it. I grew up in the Lutheran Church and let me tell you, lent is a pretty big deal to Lutherans. So maybe that is why I have never been on board for the whole thing, as an act of defiance to a world I wanted no part of. I felt the 40 (or 46 as I have recently discovered) days was 40 days of opportunity for Christians to draw attention upon themselves and their so called sacrifices. This is one of the most frustrating and unfortunate effects of Christianity turned religion. The people who endlessly talk about what they have "given up for the Lord" but really were just trying to get a leg up on the other "not so holy Christians" disheartened me and for those reasons I had never once bought into fasting for lent. This was how I thought anyway. But I realize this isn't what lent is about at all. And the deeper I read into it, the more I like the idea of it.

To be completely honest, lent has always reminded me and seemed to highlight the types of people who call themselves Christians because they tithe a certain amount or have a really nice crucifix. The ones who would love to get into heaven by works. That is the type of so called Christianity I never want to be a part of. I'm not interested in doing this thing called following Jesus only when I feel like it is going to benefit me socially or because it seems cool. No thanks. This attitude has more than once led me to shut off the customs of the traditional church. Over the years, as I have tried to rebel completely from "traditional church," I have come to realize some of the most traditional customs of the church offer some of the greatest opportunity to become close with a very real and close God. And now I find myself wishing more people better understood these traditions and what they mean and how important they can be. I judged the traditions of the church too harshly.

That brings me to lent. Yes, a lot if so called Christians will do it simply out of tradition and without any heart or thought into the role it plays in communion with Christ. That, however, is no longer going to stop me from observing and understanding the most important event in Christianity. I want to take this seriously. I want to understand and to do this thing right. Afterall, this is God we are talking about, it doesn't ever get more important than that. Christ died for you. for me. We have heard that so so many times. And I feel we seldom understand it, seldom grasp it. I want to grasp this.

So, dear friend Lent, I am formally apologizing for never making an effort before this year. I'll try extraordinarily hard this time.

Pro/Con Lists.

Seattle Pacific or Baylor? Only God knows. And that's totally fine.

I'm a big fan of pro/con lists. Mostly because I hate indecision and the beauty of pro/con lists is that they completely get rid of that. Right now I feel like I have to make the biggest decision of my life so far. College. As a senior, you get used to hearing that word about 28 times a day. I feel the closer I get to graduating, the more I don't know where I'm going, what I'm going to study, or how life is going to go. Despite all this indecision, I am completely at ease with things. And if you know anything about me you know this is a big deal for me. My whole walk with Christ, the big conflict has been that I can't accept that He has everything under control. I mean in the past I fought and argued and literally screamed at God about everything in my life that seemed out of control or even remotely indecisive. And then this year happens. Now more than ever, nothing has been in control, nothing has gone as I have expected or as it seems, and I couldn't be more content. Jesus knows what He's doing; I don't have to know the details. For the first time ever, I am totally cool with God being in control. I always wanted him to be but I couldn't even begin to let him until I let everything get out of my control. This is going to be a good trip now that I'm not trying to drive anymore.

Action.

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
-Isaiah 55.

What I love so much about this passage is that its full of calls for action. It asks us to come and be filled with Christ then to go out and live a life that shows that. And then, then it gets really beautiful. It tells us of what will happen, what actions will take place when we do this. Nature dances. Nature and creation are filled with life and so as followers of Christ, it is up to us to move into action. to move and physically take action. Isn't this what we are absolutely called to do? to move? How is God supposed to move in us, through us, if we aren't willing to take some action?

Hot Wheels.

Today, everyone celebrates the coming into the world of the most important man in history. But to be honest, I always feel more as if this were a second thanksgiving. I am never so grateful for my family and the life I have been blessed with than on this day. It's like Christmas opens my eyes to the beauty God has sent us. Over 2000 years ago he sent his Son, and that is fantastic, of over arching importance. A gift to which nothing can compare. But I can't help but notice during the Christmas season all the other small "stocking stuffers" if you will, that He gives us. I am almost brought to tears when I see my family all gathered together and the house and life and amazingly supportive and loving friends that I have been given. Who am I to gain these things when I know a good majority of the world can barely even dream of these things? I feel so overwhelmed with this idea. And it really makes me think: Jesus, the best gift of all, the gift every single person in the world can receive, and this is the hardest one for me to be able to accept. I am not worthy of it. People who have nothing can freely accept him and here I am struggling to fully grasp the basics of Christ. I barely feel like I can accept the gifts God has given me in life, and to let Jesus rule my life? That is so hard. I try and try to let Him but over and over again I fail.

Last night I spent over 2 hours helping my cousin put together this hot wheels track he got. Every time I would get a piece together he would get so excited that the whole operation would end up failing and collapsing. I surprised myself by never growing impatient, I just put it back together and helped him start rebuilding. I cannot tell you how many times I re-assembled those roads. I wonder if this is how God is with us. We get these gifts and we are so excited to use them and because we are human, we mess up. But then God puts the road back together for us, and we try at it again. God smiles at his children so overjoyed they are playing with his gifts. And when I think of this I suddenly am not worried about working in a way in which I prevent God from having to rebuild for me; I know he's going to have to do that anyway. Instead, I feel this deep need to find those gifts he has given me and show him the excitement I have to use them. I think this is really all God asks.

It is Christmas, He has given us the sweetest of gifts, His Son. And from that we are given so many gifts to use for his Kingdom. It is all so wonderful isn't it? Merry Christmas. Share your gifts :)

Isaiah 35

Wilderness and desert will sing joyously, the badlands will celebrate and flower - bursting into blossom, a symphony of song and color. Mountain glories of Lebanon - a gift. Awesome Carmel, stunning Sharon - gifts. God's resplendent glory, fully on display. God awesome, God majestic. Energize the limp hands, strengthen the rubbery knees. Tell fearful souls, "Courage! Take heart! God is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all wrongs. He's on his way! He'll save you! Blind eyes will be opened, deaf ears unstopped, Lame men and women will leap like deer, the voiceless break into song. Springs of water will burst out in the wilderness, streams flow in the desert. Hot sands will become a cool oasis, thirsty ground a splashing fountain. Even lowly jackals will have water to drink, and barren grasslands flourish richly. There will be a highway called the Holy Road. No one rude or rebellious is permitted on this road. It's for God's people exclusively - impossible to get lost on this road. Not even fools can get lost on it. No lions on this road, no dangerous wild animals - Nothing and no one dangerous or threatening. Only the redeemed will walk on it. The people God has ransomed will come back on this road. They'll sing as they make their way home to Zion, unfading halos of joy encircling their heads, Welcomed home with gifts of joy and gladness as all sorrows and sighs scurry into the night.

Immanuel

Why are we so afraid to come to God with our crap? I feel like that is a really big problenm for us, to put aside our pride and come to God broken so he can fix us. For some reason we feel like we need to repair ourselves before we come before God. It is incredible to me that we al struggle with trusting God so we put our trust in everyone else. Everyone who will, without a doubt, fail us. Yet, we are scared to out our trust in the One who has never and will never break our trust or stop believing in and loving us.

I had been thinking about it a lot lately and my youth pastor gave some good insight into it. He explained why we are afraid of coming to God with our crap. We see ourselves as the center of the universe and when God makes himself close, or even the idea of God being close scares us so much we tell God to go away because its scary for us. But God is always close and we don't see that. Take Peter on the boat, they couldnt catch anything all night and then Jesus shows up and is like "Throw the nets out again. And they do and they get a crapload of fish. (eloquently put I know) They get more than they could ever have imagined. And then Peter says "Lord,i am a sinful man, go away from me." Peter couldnt handle the closeness of God. He wasnt comfortable with God and his power being so close to his life. He felt too sinful for God to be there with him. He felt like he needed it figured out before Jesus came but that didn't get him any fish did it? Jesus took over and was with him even though Peter didn't have it all together.

Then there is David. David made some pretty crappy decisions. Like really bad. adultery, then murder, and it took him a while to even repent of that. Yet God loved David, held David in such high regard. Why? Because God saw himself in David. He was titled the man after God's heart because even with all that crap he had, he ran to God. God was at his center. David saw that he wasn't the center. He messed up. a lot. and gloriously at that. Yet God upholds David so high because despite and in the midst of all of David's crap, he saw himself in David. If God sees himself in David, he sees himself in us. God sees himself in us? wow. That's huge to me. No matter how much crap and terrible things we accomplish as humans, we can always bet God is close. and we shouldnt back away from that. He isn't in the clouds choosing to come and go as he pleases. He is with us. Immanuel: "God with us."

Jesus didn't leave Peter after he told him to go away from him. He pretty much said that he wasnt going anywhere. He knew Peter was a screw up but he was willing to do so much for him anyway. It was peter that wasn't comfortable with his closeness. But jesus didnt back away; instead he accepted him and helped him even though he had his crap. and David had an incredible amount of crap, but God saw himself in him anyway and David was held so high because he came to God with it. so great.

Desire.

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

-Thomas Merton

spoke my heart.