Band Aids.

It is not enough to believe. We must follow and pursue with reckless abandon.


Knowing this sort of terrifies me. I avoid the idea of "reckless abandon" because, as a human, I don't want to recklessly abandon the safe comfy circle I have going. Yes, this safe circle is not at all safe, leads me to feel insecure with this world and what it has yet I still cling to it like a baby clings to its blanket. I know what I cling to is not the full kingdom or plan God has and yet I still have trouble letting go. I say I don't want to do the normal Christian walk, that I want to live radically. But at the end of the day the only thing stopping me from that radicalism is my fear of it. I want it so badly. Yet, at the same time I shamefully want my comfortable life.

I admire those who pursue things in life without any care or worry about security. The revolutionaries, the radicals, those who have given up this world. Most times those people have no guarantee of security. So why can't I, as a Christian whom God has promised to always keep in His hands, just go out into the world with a reckless abandon, without fear, without compromise, without turning back, without hesitation?

Is it possible for God to rip off that bandaid for me? I wish it was. This fear of failing for Christ is pathetic. My failures are coming true the longer it takes me to make that jump for Him. To jump into a life in which I live completely and wholly for God, with no reserves, no inhibitions.

Life has ensnared me with its false promises of hope and comfort. I want to want to live wholly for Christ.

Un-truths.

Lies. Probably one of the worst inventions of the enemy. I've done a lot of looking back at my life and my spirit is usually pretty alright. Except under one condition. Lies. Being deceived. Every time that has happened in my life I literally do not know how to function. I break down; I am a literal mess. My mother recently told me about the few times she has seen me literally stuck in a depression or gloomy state. I remember every one of those times we talked about and the sorrow and weight that were put on me. And then I looked back at the root of things. Every single time it was because lies or deceit was involved. And it made me wonder: what is it about lies that terrifies, angers, upsets humans so much?

Is it that we feel like we don't have control? that we can't grasp things because there is no solid foundation left? or maybe we don't know how to cope when another person has wronged us so. Maybe it's all of these things. Maybe it's none. But I think it has a lot to do with the fact that humans inherently have a want for justice. for truth. Those two things go hand in hand and when one of those is missing, so is the other. We hear "life isn't fair" all the time. And it isn't. Life isn't fair because it is filled with lies, with un-truths. I think thats one of the biggest struggles for man in life: fishing for truths, finding something true to live for, knowing absolutes, knowing an eternal justice. Truth is rooted in all of that. and when lies infiltrate and find their ways into our lives, something in us screams for justice, something in us hurts and feels an extraordinary amount of pain, of suffering. My worst fear is that I am living this life based on things that are not true, that are lies. Lies, "un-truths," are the basis of the enemy; they are the opposite of God, they are what we inherently fear most. aren't they?


(Photo by my friend Caitlyn)

Sparrows & Lilies

overwhelmingly the best analogy. ever.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6.26- 34