This fine day.

A few quotes to ponder:

"The world is tired of ideology and is opening itself to the truth. The time has come when the splendor of this truth has begun anew to illuminate the darkness of human existence."
-Pope John Paul II

"The classic theologians based their understanding of human excellence on knowing and loving God, which brings proper human dignity and flourishing"
- Ellen Charry

Band Aids.

It is not enough to believe. We must follow and pursue with reckless abandon.


Knowing this sort of terrifies me. I avoid the idea of "reckless abandon" because, as a human, I don't want to recklessly abandon the safe comfy circle I have going. Yes, this safe circle is not at all safe, leads me to feel insecure with this world and what it has yet I still cling to it like a baby clings to its blanket. I know what I cling to is not the full kingdom or plan God has and yet I still have trouble letting go. I say I don't want to do the normal Christian walk, that I want to live radically. But at the end of the day the only thing stopping me from that radicalism is my fear of it. I want it so badly. Yet, at the same time I shamefully want my comfortable life.

I admire those who pursue things in life without any care or worry about security. The revolutionaries, the radicals, those who have given up this world. Most times those people have no guarantee of security. So why can't I, as a Christian whom God has promised to always keep in His hands, just go out into the world with a reckless abandon, without fear, without compromise, without turning back, without hesitation?

Is it possible for God to rip off that bandaid for me? I wish it was. This fear of failing for Christ is pathetic. My failures are coming true the longer it takes me to make that jump for Him. To jump into a life in which I live completely and wholly for God, with no reserves, no inhibitions.

Life has ensnared me with its false promises of hope and comfort. I want to want to live wholly for Christ.

Un-truths.

Lies. Probably one of the worst inventions of the enemy. I've done a lot of looking back at my life and my spirit is usually pretty alright. Except under one condition. Lies. Being deceived. Every time that has happened in my life I literally do not know how to function. I break down; I am a literal mess. My mother recently told me about the few times she has seen me literally stuck in a depression or gloomy state. I remember every one of those times we talked about and the sorrow and weight that were put on me. And then I looked back at the root of things. Every single time it was because lies or deceit was involved. And it made me wonder: what is it about lies that terrifies, angers, upsets humans so much?

Is it that we feel like we don't have control? that we can't grasp things because there is no solid foundation left? or maybe we don't know how to cope when another person has wronged us so. Maybe it's all of these things. Maybe it's none. But I think it has a lot to do with the fact that humans inherently have a want for justice. for truth. Those two things go hand in hand and when one of those is missing, so is the other. We hear "life isn't fair" all the time. And it isn't. Life isn't fair because it is filled with lies, with un-truths. I think thats one of the biggest struggles for man in life: fishing for truths, finding something true to live for, knowing absolutes, knowing an eternal justice. Truth is rooted in all of that. and when lies infiltrate and find their ways into our lives, something in us screams for justice, something in us hurts and feels an extraordinary amount of pain, of suffering. My worst fear is that I am living this life based on things that are not true, that are lies. Lies, "un-truths," are the basis of the enemy; they are the opposite of God, they are what we inherently fear most. aren't they?


(Photo by my friend Caitlyn)

Sparrows & Lilies

overwhelmingly the best analogy. ever.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6.26- 34

Lent. The Beginning.

It's that time of year again, folks. In the past it's always been that time for me when everyone around me seems to be endlessly complaining about what they've given up and how much it bites that they don't have it. I grew up in the Lutheran Church and let me tell you, lent is a pretty big deal to Lutherans. So maybe that is why I have never been on board for the whole thing, as an act of defiance to a world I wanted no part of. I felt the 40 (or 46 as I have recently discovered) days was 40 days of opportunity for Christians to draw attention upon themselves and their so called sacrifices. This is one of the most frustrating and unfortunate effects of Christianity turned religion. The people who endlessly talk about what they have "given up for the Lord" but really were just trying to get a leg up on the other "not so holy Christians" disheartened me and for those reasons I had never once bought into fasting for lent. This was how I thought anyway. But I realize this isn't what lent is about at all. And the deeper I read into it, the more I like the idea of it.

To be completely honest, lent has always reminded me and seemed to highlight the types of people who call themselves Christians because they tithe a certain amount or have a really nice crucifix. The ones who would love to get into heaven by works. That is the type of so called Christianity I never want to be a part of. I'm not interested in doing this thing called following Jesus only when I feel like it is going to benefit me socially or because it seems cool. No thanks. This attitude has more than once led me to shut off the customs of the traditional church. Over the years, as I have tried to rebel completely from "traditional church," I have come to realize some of the most traditional customs of the church offer some of the greatest opportunity to become close with a very real and close God. And now I find myself wishing more people better understood these traditions and what they mean and how important they can be. I judged the traditions of the church too harshly.

That brings me to lent. Yes, a lot if so called Christians will do it simply out of tradition and without any heart or thought into the role it plays in communion with Christ. That, however, is no longer going to stop me from observing and understanding the most important event in Christianity. I want to take this seriously. I want to understand and to do this thing right. Afterall, this is God we are talking about, it doesn't ever get more important than that. Christ died for you. for me. We have heard that so so many times. And I feel we seldom understand it, seldom grasp it. I want to grasp this.

So, dear friend Lent, I am formally apologizing for never making an effort before this year. I'll try extraordinarily hard this time.

Pro/Con Lists.

Seattle Pacific or Baylor? Only God knows. And that's totally fine.

I'm a big fan of pro/con lists. Mostly because I hate indecision and the beauty of pro/con lists is that they completely get rid of that. Right now I feel like I have to make the biggest decision of my life so far. College. As a senior, you get used to hearing that word about 28 times a day. I feel the closer I get to graduating, the more I don't know where I'm going, what I'm going to study, or how life is going to go. Despite all this indecision, I am completely at ease with things. And if you know anything about me you know this is a big deal for me. My whole walk with Christ, the big conflict has been that I can't accept that He has everything under control. I mean in the past I fought and argued and literally screamed at God about everything in my life that seemed out of control or even remotely indecisive. And then this year happens. Now more than ever, nothing has been in control, nothing has gone as I have expected or as it seems, and I couldn't be more content. Jesus knows what He's doing; I don't have to know the details. For the first time ever, I am totally cool with God being in control. I always wanted him to be but I couldn't even begin to let him until I let everything get out of my control. This is going to be a good trip now that I'm not trying to drive anymore.

Action.

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.
See, I have made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander of the peoples.
Surely you will summon nations you know not,
and nations that do not know you will hasten to you,
because of the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel,
for he has endowed you with splendor."
Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the LORD's renown,
for an everlasting sign,
which will not be destroyed."
-Isaiah 55.

What I love so much about this passage is that its full of calls for action. It asks us to come and be filled with Christ then to go out and live a life that shows that. And then, then it gets really beautiful. It tells us of what will happen, what actions will take place when we do this. Nature dances. Nature and creation are filled with life and so as followers of Christ, it is up to us to move into action. to move and physically take action. Isn't this what we are absolutely called to do? to move? How is God supposed to move in us, through us, if we aren't willing to take some action?